Musings

...travel the world and the seven seas

2009-03-04T03:32:55Z

Finally got back out to the bar last night. Stayed much longer than I originally intended, but it was absolutely worth it.

I love that place. I love those people. It was good to be back.

March 16th, two weeks from yesterday... EVERYONE needs to come to the bar. I'll be on Spring Break and I'm f*cking going to act like it!!!

Breath of Fresh Air

2009-02-26T01:45:02Z

In a manner of speaking.

I didn't die this weekend, although I thought I was going to. But now I'm over my flu. Yay!

I got to hang out with Mary last night. We went to City Diner and then McGurk's for a drink.

Today after school I met Eric and Chris and Brenna, and we went mini-golfing (I didn't come in last!) and then got ice cream.

Now, back to work.

I think I've lost my mind

2009-02-18T22:40:09Z

...due to being overworked and sleep-deprived.

In my online geography class, I had to write a "country inventory". Basically a paper that describes the geographical and cultural features of a country of my choosing.

We're on Europe right now, so I choose Romania.

I ended my paper with the sentence, "Also, they have vampires."

I totally got an A.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

2009-01-22T23:46:34Z

I'm almost finished with my second week of student teaching. I'm tired. I'm excited. I'm clueless. I'm doing well. Most of my kids like me; not all. I like most of them; not all. I do my best to help all of them. Sometimes I feel like I really can do this teaching thing. Other times I feel like they shouldn't allow me near a classroom again.

I'm student teaching where I attended elementary school. I was there from K-6th grade (back in the days before sixth grade was moved to the junior highs... I mean "middle schools".)

In a lot of ways, it's very weird... I never thought I'd say the Pledge of Allegience in the school again, but I find myself now doing it every morning. The cafeteria still smells exactly the same. I can almost see a much younger me, with a much younger Josh, and a much younger Patricia playing in the schoolyard. Playing behind the trees, next to the fence. In the 'sewer' where we'd play Ninja Turtles. Climbing up the underside of the slide. Running across the blacktop and getting yelled at for it. It seems like that place is the only place I can drink Pepsi because we were allowed to buy sodas from the teacher's lounge when we stayed after school for something. Everywhere else, I hate it. Funny how things like that work, isn't it? I don't know how time got away from me.
Things are going to get a lot harder before they get easier. Some days I think I'll be okay, and some days I think I won't. I just need to get through, one day at a time.

I haven't seen most of my friends in a while. This teaching stuff has totally killed my social life, even during the weekend, because of all the work I have to do, in addition to working and my other two classes. I'm lonely.
And I'm super broke.

But this is what I have to do to make everything better.

Still lonely, though. But... getting by.

I hope

2009-01-02T18:32:53Z

2009 is better than 2008.

Christmas

2008-12-28T04:16:57Z

So... Christmas.

Christmas Eve was terrible. My sewer backed up into the basement and I spent a good part of Christmas Eve waiting for Roto Rooter and cleaning up poop off the basement floor. And THEN the toilet backed up... and my Dad and I had to run out and get a new plunger. After about twently minutes, Dad finally got the toilet unclogged. We barely made it to my Grandparents' house, which is another story in itself.

Christas Day was great. Lots of people came over, we had lots of food, and I got lots of nice things. I got a new phone, some movies, and some other stuff. That night I went and hung out at M.'s house.

I've worked the last two days and I work tomorrow. That place is killing me slowly. I hate it. I don't have any money, and I hate that. I need to sell my house but that's not going to happen so I should just stop considering it. This next year is going to be so busy, especially the first half while I'm student teaching and taking some other classes. I'm SO stressed and it's just getting worse.

But it's nice to have my Dad here. M.'s here, too.

Next year, I want to have more fun and I want to do better. I want things to be better.

I made the PRAXIS my bitch!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-16T19:47:34Z

I got the results from my PRAXIS test today! I totally passed!!!!!!!

For those of you who don't know or missed it: Last month, I took the PRAXIS, which is the test I need to pass to be certified by the state of Missouri to teach (in addition to my coursework at Webster).

I just need to finish up this coming semester and I'll be a teacher! Give me two more semesters after that and I'll have FINALLY completed my Master's degree. I should be ready to teach for the next school year, and I should graduate with my Master's in Dec. 2009. LOL, only took me four and a half years. After that, I'm going to take a break for a while and then get started on my Ed. S. degree, which I want to have by the time I'm 30.

ANYWAY... I had to score a 164 to pass the test... I got a 184, two points below "above average" status... I'd be upset about that except I only studied about five hours because I was closing down the Halloween store at the time of the test. The highest score I could have gotten is a 200, so I am extremely pleased with a 184 given the amount of studying I did.

Rejoice. That is all.

EDIT - I also got an "A" in my practicum class!!!!

Let's catch up

2008-12-04T03:10:46Z

Let’s catch up
Current mood: intimidated

Thanksgiving was lots of fun. After we ate, Mom, Patricia, and I watched two Christmas movies and hung out. That night, M. came over and stayed with me until Monday morning. I love it when she's able to do that.

Went out Monday night, and had a little bit of trouble with a friend. That was upsetting, but I'm glad I was there to take care of him.

Yesterday I slept a long time because I didn't get to bed until 5am. Then I got up and went shopping for a little bit with Mom.

Today I took Mouser back to the vet. They did X-rays and they're running a stool sample (ew) so hopefully we'll be able to figure out what's going on with him. After we got home I had to bathe him because he got a little... messy... in the cat carrier. Poor guy.

I talked to my Grandma a little this evening, which was nice. I found out (I think I already knew this and forgot) that my Great-Grandmother was a really good cook... which is possibly why I am. Cuz... as much as I love my Mom... I didn't inherit my cooking skills from her (nor my Dad... nor anyone on his side of the family!). Grandma also told me that Christmas is going to be a little sparse this year. It sucks, but that's pretty much the way things have to be, given the state of the economy. Hell, as you all know, I don't have any money, anyway... but at least we'll all be together. That's the important thing.

My Dad booked his flight home, he'll be there December 23rd - January 2nd.

Patricia, M., Jason, and I got the Christmas tree and decorations up on Sunday. Looks spectacular, as usual. It was funny, as Jason was tediously stringing the lights on the tree, he said "I don't know why I agree to do this every year." I told him, "I don't know either, Jason. I'd think you'd learn by now." Heh heh heh.

Also, I got hired on at Shoe Carnival thanks to my sister. I'm not happy about it, it's part time and minimum wage... and you know, selling shoes, but at least it's a job. Once I have an idea of the schedule, I'm going to look for a second job.

I guess I should get some homework done.

What I am thankful for

2008-11-26T05:23:19Z

Kinda feeling down right now for reasons I won't go into, but I thought this might cheer me up...

I am thankful for my Mom, my Dad, and my sister. My family loves me and I love them.

I am thankful for my cats and my dog.

I am thankful for my friends, more than they can ever know.

I'm thankful for some of my traits; intelligence, humor, perseverance, determination.

I'm thankful for my health.

I'm thankful that I'm able to work, although I'm not working right now.

I'm thankful for all I have, even though it's very difficult to maintain right now.

I'm thankful that I have had the opportunity for an education. I'm thankful that I have persued it.

I'm thankful that I am still able to change and grow, even if it's hard and often painful.

I'm thankful for what the future may hold, because I'll be thankful to have a future.

If you're reading this, I'm thankful for you.

Gobble and all that

2008-11-25T22:33:29Z

Thanksgiving is in two days. I love this holiday. All the friends and family, all the food, none of the financial debt. Mmmmm. Plus, I enjoy feeling thankful.

Thursday night I hung out at Elyse's with Chris and Jason. We played Guitar Hero and made fun of Elyse's tubby cat. This past Friday night Mary came over and we watched Moulin Rouge and hung out. Saturday I did homework and that night I went to Jason's and we played Super Mario Brothers 3 on his Wii!!!!!!! It was so fun! Sunday I did more homework but that night I made a roast and invited Jason and Elyse over, in addition to Patricia who was already here. We ate and watched 'Blue State' which wasn't bad. Yesterday I had school and then last night I met Jason, Chris, Josh, and Mary at 101 and hung out. Then Jennifer invited me over and I went there and we talked for a while. I got home sometime after 4am... whew. I need a break, lol.

I have a lot of homework today, and tomorrow is my last practicum day. Then I have a job interview (yay! except the pay is TERRIBLE... but it's certainly better than nothing). After that, I'm going to my Mom's to help get ready for Thanksgiving.

Thursday, I'll be at my Mom's, with Patricia, Kate, Jenni & Blake and their kids, Justin, Gene, Marie, John, Allen, and Tony. Very much looking forward to it. That night, M. is coming over and staying the night.

I'm broke but generally, I'm in good spirits.

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends. May you know peace and joy with those you love.

Today and tomorrow

2008-11-12T06:45:00Z

So.

Today was a really bad day. Nothing major, just one of those "one thing after another" kind of days. Nothing I'll go into, as much of what occurred is inconsequential.

But after work was over, I went with two of my best pals on this earth to a restaurant where we ate chips and salsa, talked about movies, and enjoyed each others' company. That made me, certainly, feel better.

Then I got home and read a very nice email response from someone to whom I owed an apology. Knowing that I was able to apologize for what I had said, and knowing that he forgave me, made me feel even better. It was also very nice to know that I'm important to him.

Then I talked to my Dad in Florida. I told him I missed him, and he said that he always misses me. That made me feel better, even though I already knew it.

So.

Today was a really bad day. There's always tomorrow.

Tomorrow should be better. I'll do my best to make it so.

Just a thought.

2008-11-08T07:50:59Z

The longer I live, the more people will come into my life.

The more people will leave it, too. Often not for any reason, except sometimes that is just the way of things.

Life ebbs and flows like water, and people pass through as quickly as leaves caught in the current; they circle for a while, then are pulled away on a different path.

When I am old, I hope I still remember all the people who have touched my life, and I hope they all still remember me.

YES WE CAN!

2008-11-05T05:32:33Z

So. Excited.

Things overheard at the Halloween Store

2008-10-26T19:41:16Z

*or things screamed at me*
---------------
Customer: Where are you 80's costumes?

Me: You're going to have to be more specific than that.

Customer: You know, like tye dye and stuff.

Me: That's really more of a 60's-70's thing, but our tye dye is in that corner over there.

Customer (suddenly very angry): Sweetie, I lived through the eightes, so I think I know. (Storms off)

She was probably just about my age.
-------------------
Customer: Do you sell KKK costumes?
-------------------
Customer: Do you sell kids' costumes?

(Note: Over half the store is kids costumes)
-------------------
Me: Hi, how are you today?

Customer: Just fine, and you?

Me: Good, thanks.

My Manager, who just happened to be standing there: Liar!

Me: He's right! I hate my job, I hate the public, my back hurts, and I'm hungry! Did you find everything you were looking for?

(Luckily, the customer thought it was funny).
-------------------
Customer: I want to exchange this, it doesn't fit.

Me: Okay, do you have your receipt?

Customer: Yes.

(Customer hands me receipt and a grocery bag with a costume in it)

Me: Ma'am, where's the package for this costume?

Customer: I threw it out, I didn't know it wouldn't fit.

Me: I can't take this back without the package, ma'am.

Customer: Well, why not?

Me: Because I'm not!
-------------------
A large, very angry woman walks up to my counter about five minutes before closing on a VERY busy day.

Customer: Do you have like, two people working?

Me: Pretty much, is there a problem?

Customer: We can't find anything, we can't get any help, no one knows where anything is, we can't use the dressing room. (because it's so close to closing, that's store policy)

Me: I'm sorry, we do the best we can.

Customer: I know, it's not your fault.

I ring up the customer's purchases and she proceeds to begin writing a check, which we don't accept because we're such a temporary establishment.

Me: I'm sorry ma'am, we don't accept checks.

Customer: WELL THAT'S IT! WE'RE NEVER COMING BACK HERE! WE'LL TAKE OUR BUSINESS SOMEWHERE ELSE! (storms out)
-------------------------------
Customer: Hi, I just told that girl over there (at the dressing room, it was our other assistant manger) that I have a '20% off one item' coupon but forgot it, and she said that you would ring it up anyway.

Me: Sure, no problem.

(She hands me a pair of boots and a costume)

Customer: Could you ring those up separately, so I could use the 20% off on both items?

Me: No, I can't do that.

Customer: Why not?

Me: Because it's off one item.

Customer: Right, so ring them separately.

Me: Ma'am, you don't even HAVE the coupon. I can't do that.

Customer: So you're going to make it so I don't buy everything today, have to drive all the way home, get the coupon, come back, and use it?

Me: Yes.

Customer: Is there a manager I could talk to?

Me: I am a manager.

Customer: So what if my husband came with me, and he bought something, and then I bought something right after him. You'd let us both use the coupon.

Me: No, I wouldn't. I'd take the coupon. You'd have to have two coupons to be able to use it twice.

Customer: Well, this is just ridiculous. You're sure you're going to make it so I don't buy all of this today?

Me: Yes!
----------------------------
(Backstory: We had over 200 boxes of stock to put out one morning, and it was just me and another girl there until 2pm. Because there has to be someone in the dressing room area at all times when there are customers trying stuff on, I opted to keep the dressing rooms closed until more help came in, so we could focus on getting the stock out).

Customer: I'd like to try these two costumes on.

Me: I'm sorry, our dressing rooms are closed right now.

Customer: You're kidding.

Me: Sorry ma'am. They're closed right now. We only have two people here.

Customer: Well if I can't try these on, I just won't buy either of them!

Me: Okay.

(She storms off. I go back to stocking. 5 minutes later, she comes back to me).

Customer: I just want you to know that you're being a real bitch! What's your name, and the store number?

Me: My name is Erin, I'm an assistant manager, and here (gives her slip of paper) is the store number.

Customer: Is your manager in?

Me: Nope.

Customer: When will he be in?

Me: I can't give you his schedule, ma'am.

Customer: What?!? Then I want his phone number, or the district manager's phone number.

Me: There's no way I'm giving your their personal phone numbers.

Customer: I work in retail, and I know you can give those to me!

Me: No, I'm not giving you their phone numbers.

Customer: Well I'm going to talk to someone about you, and I hope to GOD you get fired!

Me: Okay.

Customer (on her way to the door): Fuck off!

Me: Well, I certainly hope we won't be seeing you in here again!

I am so fucking broke

2008-10-12T21:41:32Z

But there are things that are more important.

It's amazing how other people can affect your life, even if they're only around for a little while.

*This post isn't about anyone in particular, I'm just feeling it today.

He's not for me

2008-10-09T04:07:00Z

And I understand that. I guess.

But god dammit, I wish he was.

There are more things I could say, but for once, I will refrain.

What I do know is that I got very lucky.

And I can wish.

Archon 32

2008-10-06T03:27:34Z

Had a great time. It's weird going back to the three-day con instead of a four day.

It was great to see everyone and have some time to hang out with friends, both friends that I brought and friends that I usually only see at the con.

I bought some art and a couple odds & ends. Got my Munchkin box signed by the artist, John Kovalic.

Now that Archon's over for another year, I guess I have to get back to real life.

But there's a horror con later this month that I might check out, at least for a day. We'll see.

Thanks again, Archon. My 13th consecutive!

Check out pics at Archon 32

Eddie

2008-09-29T05:53:48Z

I really, really miss him.

This could all have been easily worked out if we could have just talked in person on maybe over the phone but I wasn't given the chance.

I tried.

I'm very sad.

Dinner

2008-09-29T05:06:33Z

Had people over for dinner tonight. Mmmmm. Made a lot of food. Garlic chicken breasts, potatoes, rice, carrots, broccoli, homemade rolls, then coffee, brownies and pink lemonade pie. From what everyone said, it turned out very well. There was much conversation, laughing, etc. In short, fun was had by all.

In addition to the usual suspects (Patricia, Jason, Elyse, Chris, Steve, Mel, & Lily), we had some new guests: Jessie, who is Jason's girlfriend, her sweetheart baby daughter Miya, Nicholai, and Anna. I don't think we scared them off. There were ten in all. It was quite a feast and as usual, we were able to squeeze everyone around the table. Packing people and food around that table is something I learned from my mother, I guess.

Elyse helped me a lot in the kitchen. Chris did most of the dishes, and because I did a lot of the prep last night, there is far less of a mess than usual. Also, we ate at 8:30 instead of my typical 10pm. Heh heh. I suck.

I love spending time with good friends and good food.

Hey everyone!

2008-09-29T04:13:41Z

Steve sucks! Woo!

Sitting in the dark

2008-09-26T08:41:58Z

I can't sleep. I thought I'd try another night without taking melatonin... doesn't appear to be going the way I'd hoped.

I also decided to try it without something (i.e. book on tape) to listen to. Also no good.

You see...

When I am left to mingle solely with my own thoughts, I visit places I'd rather not go. Memories that are left decaying in rarely unacessed parts of my brain resurface. Unpleasant thoughts rush past my self-maintained mental barrier, which derives its strength only from daylight. In the dark, in the silence, in my bed-time isolation, my upsetting and unappealing thoughts temporarily usurp control, and I am the only one who can bear witness.

Which means... I can't sleep.

Well, damn.

A corpse, a rat, and a Mexican restaurant

2008-09-20T05:22:43Z

So my Mom has a mouse in her house.

I bought a big, fake rat at work today. Went to my Great Aunt's wake after my shift ended.

Met my sister first at my Mom's house and hid the rat behind her coffee maker.

Picked up Mom from work and went to the wake. Saw the family. There was some of the normal drama, but that's to be expected. Some of them are just f*ing nuts.

Orilla's dead, that's for damn sure. My Grandfather taught me the meaning of family.

The cool part of the family left the wake for the Mexican restaurant next door.

My Mom drove five miles out of the way only to find that we could have driven straight through the funeral home's parking lot into the Mexican restaurant's lot (ew, btw). It took them an hour to feed everyone in our fifteen person party but the food and the margaritas were worth it, not to mention the company. I always have so much fun with them.

Finally got home about 10:30. At about 11pm, my Mom called and threatened my life. She had found the fake rat and run screaming from the house. Heh heh.

A fairly satisfying day.

Thinking about death

2008-09-17T03:37:46Z

Not about dying, mind you.

You see, I got word that my Great Aunt Orilla passed away this morning. She was like 95. We weren't close. She's my grandfather's aunt, to be exact.

When I got the news, I didn't get sad. I didn't say, "aw, that really sucks". In fact, I tried, and found that I couldn't. You see, until her last dying day, Orilla was a bitch.

Orilla used my grandparents for everything that she could. She was never married and had no children, and my Great Aunt Marjolee (my grandfather's sister) who lived with her passed away herself about three years ago. Orilla was, as far as I have heard, was mean to my mom and her siblings all throughout their childhoods.

And Orilla, of course, is loaded.

So, Orilla died this morning, and I coulnd't feel bad. The first thing I wondered was about a possible inheritance. The second thing I thought was "good", because that woman's been bleeding my Grandpa dry for years.

I hope that when I die, people miss me. I hope that they think about me and celebrate my life. I hope that they smile at memories of me and feel the love we shared even years after I'm gone. Even if I can't leave anyone anything tangible.

I know I'm seriously hurting for money right now, but... obviously, that is not the most important thing.

Rest in peace, Orilla. May you be a better person wherever you're going.

Brrrrr

2008-09-09T15:21:55Z

WTF? It's cold!

Reunioning

2008-09-08T00:45:32Z

Today was our my family reunion. It was nice to see everyone... well, not everyone was there, but almost everyone I give a crap about was there. Good enough.

Kinda hungry, finally, after the pig-out at the reunion.